when to cry

Today while talking with a couple of friends, some tears started to well in my eyes - finally. I apologized for this, why? I don't know. One friend gave me a huge hug and said that if this [group of close church friends] isn't a safe place to cry, no where is. That is such a true statement. I think that I have become so overwhelmed with keeping it all together that I have lost the way that I really feel. I have lost the ability to cry about my own life, though still managing to produce tears at things on TV or in a movie. I have become callused to the way that I really feel and don't understand what those feelings are.

I could use a good cry, if anything to allow me to experience some emotions. But I feel like Cameron Diaz's character in The Holiday. The one that tries to cry but can't - even when I know it might just help - instead I settle with being "fine" and "good". It may not make since but I need to embrace what I am feeling in order to give it to God....for only He knows the plans for me and the timing in which it will occur. I pray for tears and encouragement through this tiresome process that I embarked on eight months ago.

pop quiz anyone?

Today someone said the following:

"Think of life as a series of pop quizzes where God is asking 'you gonna trust Me now?'".

I would like to think I'm ready for that question when it comes around. However, looking back over the last few months (and even further through my life) maybe I need to think again. I think most of the time I have the best intentions to trust His plan. I know that is what IS best for me but really I wish I could have what I want, on my timeline. I have to relinquish my controlling nature to Him. Give Him the reigns to my life and my career. And remember....

He will provide, He will be faithful, He knows what is best! Now to that pop quiz...