when to cry

Today while talking with a couple of friends, some tears started to well in my eyes - finally. I apologized for this, why? I don't know. One friend gave me a huge hug and said that if this [group of close church friends] isn't a safe place to cry, no where is. That is such a true statement. I think that I have become so overwhelmed with keeping it all together that I have lost the way that I really feel. I have lost the ability to cry about my own life, though still managing to produce tears at things on TV or in a movie. I have become callused to the way that I really feel and don't understand what those feelings are.

I could use a good cry, if anything to allow me to experience some emotions. But I feel like Cameron Diaz's character in The Holiday. The one that tries to cry but can't - even when I know it might just help - instead I settle with being "fine" and "good". It may not make since but I need to embrace what I am feeling in order to give it to God....for only He knows the plans for me and the timing in which it will occur. I pray for tears and encouragement through this tiresome process that I embarked on eight months ago.